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Swinger FAQs
Aren't Diseases a problem?
STD's are a major concern in this lifestyle and this concerrn
alone can help reduce the risk. The fact that people are thinking
about it, helps everyone to take precautions. But we must keep
in mind that even a condom doesn't completely eliminate the risk
of most STD's. It is up to each of us to make sure that we know
our partners and request recent test results to make sure our
partners are tested this in and of itself does reduce the risk
of STD's to some degree. So don't go diving without a wetsuite.
Use a condom!
It is also very important that if you have a sexually transmitted
disease that you tell your potential partners before engaging
in ANY sexual activities. If you've previously had or been exposed
to a STD and think it's gone you should inform potential partners
because many STD's stay with us for life, even though we may not
show symptoms. Check out our STD
information page for more information on the various
diseases.
Is it normal to be jealous the
first time you swing?
The answer is Yes! People are emotional beings and jealousy
is one of our strongest emotions so we've writen an articel dedicated
to swingers
and jealousy.
What kinds of people are in
swinging?
In short, all kinds of people from all walks of life, all races
and all income levels. One commonality is that they, like you,
are interested in exploring sexual fantasies. In fact we have
found that most couples are actually more interested in finding
other swingers, (couples and singles), to share a more intimate
relationship that includes sharing of sexual desires and fantasies,
which actually falls under polyamory.
So one could say that most, not all, but a good majority of swingers
want an on going if not loving relationship with other couples.
I have not done research on this subject but clearly if you read
couples online profiles you'll see a pattern of couples looking
for a couple that they can have on going relationships in and
out of bed. Generally swingers are honest with themselves and
others, and tend to communicate better with their partners in
and out of bed, than the average couple.
How do I convince my partner
to swing?
This is probably one of the most common questions we see in
the swingers board forum. You can not CONVINCE your partner
to get into the swingers lifesytle. This lifestyle is not
for everyone and may not be for you or your partner. Before
considering the swinging with your partner you should first look
at yourself and examine the reasons, questions and concerns you
and your partner have about the lifestyle. Example: Do you
wanting to swing so that you can "get more sex", if
so, then don't bother. This is not the lifestyle for you.
However, you are interested swinging because you and your partner
have some lively fantasies that you think you could or would like
to live out that include sex or sexual relations with other couples
or because you want to share the most special and intimate part
of your life with your partner and with others, then you maybe
ready to discuss the possibility of swinging with your partner.
1. Express your desires in a calm non threatning manner to your
partner and determine if he or she is open to discussing it further.
2. Talk about your partners fantasies out of bed and how much
his or her fantasies erous your intellect as well as your loins
3. Learn to communcate better during sex, ask what feels better.
Really strive to learn what your partner enjoys, this information
is crucial in swinging with other couples. If you make sure your
partner gets taken care of then hopefully he / she will do the
same for you.
4. Attend a home based swinger party and discuss your limits
ahead of time. It's a good idea for your first few times to be
a voyeur
5. Place a profile together where you both are involved in the
profile discriptions and there are many online swinger sites to
choose from but don't stick with just one have profiles and several.
We recommend from our own experience SLS and IA - Members but
there are plenty to choose from.
6. If you watch porn movies together, ask and communicate during
the movie to see what situations tend to turn your partner on
most.
Hopefully you see a pattern here, a patern of communication
about your partners desires and fantasies, if your the one that
is intersted in bringing the topic of swinging up in your relationship
then you have the responsibility to warm your partner up to the
idea.
You may not need to convince your partner it maybe he or she
is more than willing and all you have to do is communicate the
idea in a rational manner. On the other hand, they may not have
considered swinging as an alternative lifestyle. Moreover, communication
is the key to opening all of the doors. The first thing you need
to do is talk to your partner about yours and their fantasies,
perhaps hinting to the subject by leaving a swingers magazing
lying around for them to find that could stimulate a conversation?
A little note on swinger magazines there are only two that are
worth looking at the swingers
magazine called night moves and the swingers
magazine called Scarlet Fever. I am not a proponent
of droping hints to people in this manner but some people do use
this means of communicating. My opinion is one should use a subtile
but direct approach, maybe sit down together at the computer and
look though the discussions on the swingers
board. Be open to any questions that they may bring
up and be prepared to answer why you want to do this.
What if your partner lets you know that this lifestyle holds little
or no interest in their life? Then back off and regroup your thoughts
and mental state if you attempt to pushing them will get you no
where fast and may lead to a very expensive and messy divorce
or split. However all is not lost, you can mention your fantasies
to them, if you can get your partner turned on to your fantasies
then you will have better chance of opening the lines of communication
again and the chances of taking things further may increase.
I keep seeing terms in online
profiles and I don't know what mean, can you help?
For complete definitions list of the many terms you will see
in online personals we've created The
swingers sex dictionary.
Why is it so hard to find a
bifemale to join us?
Supply and demand comes to mind there are many more couples
with bifemales than there are single bifemales willing to participate
in sexual relations with a couple. The other side of the problem
is that single females (bi in particular) are the most sought
after portion of the swinging population. While there are more
than enough single males to go around, most single females either
don't know about the lifestyle or just aren't interested in playing
or swinging alone, they usually wait until they have a significant
relationship before engaging in sexual relationships with couples.
Furthermore, most of those that are involved in the lifestyle
were brought in by a previous boyfriends or husbands.
Then what are we supposed to
do?
If you are looking for a single female to play mainly with the
female half then look couples with a bi-female or bi-friendly
female and a husband who doesn't mind watching. You can let the
women play together and when the women are done the guys can enjoy
their own partners? Think of options that will statisfy the desire
and open your selves up to alternitives.
Patients is the key to swinging and finding what your looking
for you may have to wait a long while. The best advice I have
seen posted in our forum about finding a single female is to look
at those single females that you already know! It's much easier
to talk to a friend and possibly get them to join you for some
fun, than it will be to find a stranger. We actually heeded
this advice a few times and it does appear to work. We started
off by inviting the person over for drinks and BBQ, while my husband
was cooking I showed, ( will call her Ann for now), Ann a great
little sex
game we purchase called Flaunt It! We laughed and giggled
at the rules and then said I think this would be fun to play sometime.
I said this to see if she was open to the possibility. She said
Oh, that looks like a blast, so I said lets give it a try after
dinner. Needless to say this was all the ice breaker we and she
needed to get the evening going.
Is swinging just for couples?
No, although swinging
history shows that it was derived from "wife swaping"
The lifestyle that couples enjoy is mainly to help them live out
each others sexual desires and fantasies that involve other couples
and SINGLES. Singles can be involved in the lifestyle, and are
involved, since many couples are looking for either an extra male
or female to help them live out threesome type fantasies. What
singles must remember is that being involved is a privilege and
it must be treat as such. Swinging involves discretion first and
formost, which is extreamly important to remember. Most swingers
have real lives outside the "lifestyle" with children
and real life problems and swinging is one of the ways they can
use to fulfill their own needs and desires, they do not need to
be burdened by others issues or your problems or issues that you.
If you add your self to a swingers problem list then don't count
on be invited back!!!!
I'm a single male, how do I
get involved in the lifestyle?
1. Find Swinger Clubs in your area that except single males.
2. Post ads on every online swingers dating site you can find.
3. Find and go to swinger gatherings called Meet and Greets
for couples and singles
4. Regulary post on the swingers board forum so people have
a chance to get to know you, answer questions to other's posts
if you have a good rational answer.
5. Be out going but NOT pushy, it's a slow process
6. Only answer ads where the couples specifically state they
are open to single men, most couples don't like getting emails
from single men when they have stated in their profile that they
are NOT interested in single men!!!! Keep in mind there is always
a grapevine in every social environment.
Please do not consider the swinging lifestyle if you think this
will be easy or fast way to get lucky, it's not and takes time
and effort on your part. Swinging is about couples enjoying their
sexual fantasies with other couples and singles which may include
you. Furthermore, there are plenty of couples that desire MFM,
MMF
or FMM 3-somes or where the husband enjoys seeing
his wife with another males and as long as that is true there
will be a place for single males in this lifestyle, as long as
the single male in question realizes is place in the scheme of
things. See some basic
rules for single guys in swinging .
How do we meet others who are
interested in the lifestyle?
Just becoming a member of swingers to swinger you are on your
way. Besure you check out other sites like this there are thousands
of swinger ads for couples and singles who are already involved
in the lifestyle. You can answer those ads, place your own, or
even meet people in our chat room. These are great ways to introduce
your self to people who are already engaged in the lifestyle in
IRL.
Other ways that you can meet swingers are through swinger magazines
like scarlet fever or night moves magazine and local
swinger clubs.
How do we get started?
Don't just jump in to it, attend a few clubs and parties as
voyeurs and get a feel for what kind of people are in the lifestyle.
You may consider going to what is known as an off-premise
swingers club. This will give you a chance to meet
people without feeling any pressure to participate, since off-premise
means that the actions occure elsewhere. If you are ready to jump
in and don't mind a little help, then you could try an on-premise
club, in on-premise clubs there usually isn't away
to meet other swingers because most have a few years under their
belts, (pun inteneded ;-) ), and they usually strip right down
and get to business as it where. However, you can participate
in swinging activities as a voyeur or otherwise since a lot of
swingers enjoy being watched. This gives you time to see where
your confort level is and allows you to discuss with your partner
the happenings of the evening at a LATER date. It's not ok for
you to discuss what's going on while it's going on. It can be
disruptive to others. If you think a little more one-on-one (or
two-on-two) is your style then you might want to stick to placing
and answering ads or attending a swinger home party where the
number of couples is usually limited to 5-10. You can meet great
people this way and you will have a chance to get to know them
better through communication
in smaller home party groups because it's more of a "having
some friends over for a BBQ" type atmosphere.
We are going to our first party...
what should we expect?
That really depends on the party. There are two main types
of clubs, and they are very different from each other.
Every club is different as well, with different rules and different
expectations. The best way to find out what to expect from a club
you are considering visiting is to contact the hosts/owners of
that particular club and ask them any questions you may have.
How can we find a club in our
area?
For starters you can check out the Swingers to swinger Forum
club
list. This is by no means a complete list of all clubs
that exist. If there aren't any clubs listed in your area, then
you might want to try contacting other swingers in your area,
some smaller clubs and private parties don't' advertise any way
other than word-of-mouth.
We are about to meet someone
for the first time, where should we meet, what should we do?
Meet someplace neutral, a quiet bar is usually the best
choice or a restaurant is can be good. A quite bar is better with
seating away from the rest of the crowd. The background noise
will drown out your conversation from prying ears and also gives
you the ability to escape, rather than having to sit thought a
LONG dinner engagement. Always go with a plan that you have something
to do after the meet and you are meeting just to start the process
of getting to know one another. In this way you can easily leave
without hurting the other person or person's feelings should you
decide you don't care to take it any further. This will also give
you a chance to talk and get to know each other. Remember to set
up something with the people you are meeting so that you know
who they are, kind of car they drive, what they will be wearing,
cell numbers etc... Make sure to set up signals with your
partner ahead of time, so that if either of you isn't comfortable
with the people you meet you can get out without having to flat
out say a word to each other, these signals are important.
Be yourself, don't wear/do things that you wouldn't normally do
to try to impress these people and never do anything you aren't
comfortable with.
We made it through dinner or
drinks, now we are ready for more...
Plan a head of time, what if we like them, what if we don't
like them, where will we go and what will we do. You can invite
them back to your place right then and continue getting to know
each other, or you can make plans to see each other another day.
If you choose to invite them over to your place then have a plan
on how to get things rolling a good sex game is always a great
fun way to break the ice. If you can't or don't want to entertain
make plans for a hotel room or to go to their place. Just remember
no matter what that no means no. Even though every thing may look
like it's "a go", people are emotional beings and can change their
minds at anytime. So be prepared for this someone getting wound
up in the moment may realize they have exceeded their bondaries
and get frightened. Just calmly help them out of the situation
and they may want to leave, just help and let them go compose
them selves.
The couple we have met seems
to want to move things a little too fast
Things should always move as fast as the slowest person involved.
If you aren't ready yet simply let them know. Remember Communication
is the key to all of this. No one can listen to you if you are
silent so speak up and say whats on your mind, just do it in a
nice pleasant manner and consider others feeling prior to opening
one's mount...LOL.. believe me I've put my foot in it plenty of
times. They'll either back off and give you time, or they'll decide
they aren't interested in waiting. If the later happens, it's
their loss not yours. Swinging should be about more than just
sex... and if they don't see it that way, then they are definitely
losing out. Don't allow yourself to be coerced into a situation
where you aren't comfortable. If you are feeling pressured, so
"No, Thanks" then if they don't back off, it's time to leave.
What's the difference between
swinging and Soft-swinging
Soft-swing
is basically a variety of swinging that encompasses everything
except intercourse. Many swingers choose to save the act of intercourse
for their own partners but play with other couples and singles
for the "fore play". There are a variety of reasons for this including
but not limited to less risk of STD's, or just wanting to save
intercourse for their partner.
Some swingers also prefer to just watch others have sex or to
be watched, this also falls into the category of soft-swinging.
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