Break The Ice

Talk with your partner about why it's hard to talk about sex. Share earlier experiences with talking about sex Begin by discussing less threatening topics such as birth control, sex education, etc. Gradually move toward discussing more personal feelings and concerns. Read and discuss material if it seems easier than spontaneously talking about personal matters. Share your sexual histories including such areas as sex education, first experience with sexuality, desires and fantasies etc.

Listen and Provide Feedback

Active listening helps to show you are interested in what your partner is saying. Ask questions and make brief comments to help increase your understanding of what is being said. Maintaining eye contact displays caring and validation. Reflect back to your partner what you have understood them to say. This conveys active listening and an interest in understanding. Be supportive of your partner's efforts to communicate. A statement of appreciation or thanks can go a long way to strengthening a relationship. Express "unconditional positive regard." Convey the sense that you will value your partner regardless of what they communicate to you.

Discover Your Partner's Needs

Ask open-ended and either/or questions to gain the most information about your companion's desires. Your partner will probably appreciate your concern. If the subject you are interested in is particularly sensitive, try self- disclosing first. Self-disclosure will model trust and a willingness to take risks. Compare notes on sexual preferences. This can be an effective way of learning about what does and doesn't stimulate your partner, and is certainly more efficient than trial and error. Give your partner permission to talk about his/her feelings. Learn To Make Requests Take responsibility for your own pleasure. Realize that people are not mind readers and genuinely communicate your needs and desires. Make requests specific. This will increase the chance that your wishes will be understood and granted. Use "I" language. Although it is sometimes difficult to personalize requests, it is often the best means of getting a positive response.

Delivering Criticism

Be aware of your motivations. It is best to base your motivation for delivering criticism on a constructive desire to make your relationship better. Choose the right time and place. Try not to be critical when anger is at it's peak. Make sure you have enough time to process your concerns. Give your partner a choice about when he/she would like to talk. Be aware of your partner's needs when choosing a location. Temper criticism with praise. This will reduce the likelihood of your partner responding in a defensive or angry fashion, and increase the chances of him/her accepting what you have to say. Nurture small steps toward change. Be generous with your support and encouragement of change. Realize that it is normal to revert back to comfortable patterns which have developed over time, so don't be too discouraged if there is some backsliding. Avoid "why" questions. They tend to be perceived as attacking and hurtful. Express your anger appropriately. Direct your anger toward your partner's behaviors, not his/her character. Don't forget to remind your partner that you appreciate them as a person. Take responsibility for your anger. Your partner cannot make you feel angry, you choose to respond that way.

Over All

Communication with your partner is THE most important thing in any relationship, whether you swing or not.

It is important to make sure that your partner knows that they are the most important thing to you, and that swinging will always come second in your relationship. If at any time they feel otherwise, your relationship will be in BIG trouble. Before you get involved in swinging make sure your relationship is secure, emotionally and sexually since this is the backbone of communication. You should discuss your limits in swinging and what makes you happy, turns you on, bothers you and what your absolute limits are.

Use the issues you discuss to help you set boundaries and rules when entering the swingers lifestyle. Setting boundaries will help insure that feelings are not hurt and emotions remain stable. Make sure that anyone you swing with is aware of your boundaries and limits prior to any activity. By ensuring that the other people involved are aware of your limits you will ensure that your boundaries don't become a problem later on in the evening. Don't be afraid to set your limits to tight, you can always expand them later, as you both grow in this new and wonderful lifestyle.

Communication must occur at all times when engage with other people. Before you and your partner go out to meet another couple, establish ways to communicate between yourselves that others won't be aware of. That way if you meet someone and one of you is not interested, they can communicate that without having to say it or without having a private meeting or talking in wispers under your breath. The same goes with if you are both interested and want to proceed. Don't be afraid to speak up during an encounter if something is bothering you, or if you aren't comfortable for any reason.

Keeping feelings to yourself will only cause resentment on your part for the ones you love the most. It is better to get things out in the open than have them turn into a drama event when it could have been handled easily early on.